Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Death, Dying, and Blogging

I have written and rewritten this post many times, it is hard to put into words how I am feeling right now and why I haven't been blogging.  So, I am just going to say it type it - my dad died.  He died at the beginning of the month and the past month has been a blur.  A blur of cards, an obituary, ashes, sub plans, family drama (his family has been a pain), and stuff that seems to be growing by the day. In the past month I have had to explain what surgery is, fight for my dad's last wishes to be followed, and explain what passed away means to my first graders.  It has been a hard month.

My dad had a fall off his 4-wheeler and ended up in the hospital with a broken hip at the end of last month.  He has had health problems for the past 12 years including hearts attacks, open heart surgery, lung problems, heart problems, a major car accident, trouble breathing, and did I mention heart problems?  A major car accident five years ago left him in tremendous pain and unable to walk without a cane or a walker.  He has just not been the same since the accident.  After this fall he needed surgery to repair or replace his hip and all of his health issue made the surgery complicated, but he got through the surgery and got off the ventilator in only a few hours.  He was doing great.  Then, he just tanked.  Maybe he got tired or it was too much for him - both of which I completely understand.  He was clear with the doctor that he did not want to be hooked up to a machine again, including the ventilator and he did not want to be resuscitated if his heart were to stop.  On the morning of his death, he looked up and saw that we were there and then he quickly and peacefully passed.  He was ready to go and he is in a much better place now.  He is not in any pain anymore and he gets to hang out with grandpa (his dad).

But, that doesn't mean that it is easy for my brother, sister, and me (and the rest of the family) - we still miss our dad. 

Some AMAZING things have happened in the past month too that I can't wait to share with you!  So, bear with me as I take the time to get my head above water.